I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
