I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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