she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it hurts more in the daytime
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
