I am puke
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
