You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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