How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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