I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
