The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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