so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
