Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
