Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
