We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
