I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
