i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
