If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
