finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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