I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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