i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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