i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
