what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
