and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
