ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
