Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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