Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
