I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
