There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
As shirtless as possible
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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