naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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