So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
