btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
