i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
