she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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