I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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