false alarm. still invincible.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
then he tried to convert me to islam
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
