idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
