after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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