Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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