dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
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only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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