You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
