He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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