please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
