My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
