I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
