Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
