I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
