I want you more than these girls want KFC
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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