Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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