so that wasnt chicken after all
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
