He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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