Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
