i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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