i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm too high and old for this...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
