What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
