I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
