I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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