Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
third nipple confirmed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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