u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
