its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
