Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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