So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
