I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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