jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
