How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
