Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize