As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
third nipple confirmed
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
