My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
