I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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