There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
