so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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