if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
